Arabic, My Mother Tongue

To make it clear: I'm a living, walking, talking proof of westernization.

I was once reading an Arabic book, and while reading any book, I usually imagine myself reviewing this book. It surprised me greatly to notice that I started mentally reviewing this book and what a shocker it was that I was mentally reviewing it in English.

Yes! That’s correct. I was mentally reviewing it in English, even though it is authentically, deeply-rooted in Arabism kind of book. So I stopped for a moment and realized my mistake. This is not acceptable. I will not and shall not review this in English. There was only one problem then; only God knows how terrible my Arabic is.

I think even if I can review this book in Arabic, I probably won't.... That's how insecure I am about my Arabic.

I'm against westernization and personally, there is a western colony living in my head. How could that be possible, I asked myself over and over again! I read, write, and communicate (most of the time) in English. You know what's even worse? I actually think in English. It's not just that...

I am deeply, mentally colonized. My lifestyle is westernized from the way I dress, to the books I read. I won’t even start about the food I eat. What’s even more shocking is that I’m not the only one here in Egypt who suffers from the same problematic predicament.

Westernization is a widely acknowledged dilemma. Most countries are losing the essence of who they truly are and what their original culture stands for. It's all being erased for the sake of some modernized appeal that invaded our thinking routines. I’m mostly referring to how Youth are these days. We have plenty of “modern” definitions that allow us to judge people and form opinions about them. She’s “retro,” he’s “vintage,” they’re “aesthetic,” and we’re “classic.” I never find authentically Egyptian in the mix. It troubles me.

I’m merely criticizing those around me as much as I am criticizing my own self. I rarely appreciate Egypt, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate Arabic. Arabic is by far the most eloquent, expressive, beautiful language I ever heard. There are hundreds of Arabic words that can be put together forming magnificent lines that would make people shiver slightly at their beauty.

I'm reminded of Sir Derek Walcott's poem, “A Far Cry from Africa”, when he says,

The drunken officer of British rule, how choose

Between this Africa and the English tongue I love?

Betray them both, or give back what they give?

I know the poet's problem is way rougher than my own but I understand his ambivalent feelings. I do love the English tongue so much, but I hate feeling like someone annexed my brain with their culture, ideology, and notions. I simply wish Arabic, my mother tongue, would do the same for my children.